She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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