I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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