Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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