Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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