it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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