I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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