You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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