for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And my parents said I crawled through the house
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
