: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
