How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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