found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
