8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
