Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
