I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this hospital has no fireball
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
