Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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