dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
