And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
