fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
