I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
