If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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