Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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