I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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