I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
