i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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