she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
