Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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