Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
