you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
