just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
