an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
