that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
