and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
