Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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