I think my vagina is haunted
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
