it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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