I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
