erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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