I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
