The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I AM VODKA MAN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
