My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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