Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
