I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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