no, he came in my armpit
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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