Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
