it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
