hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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