Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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