I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
