It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
