Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
