Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
